We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
