dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
