Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
