You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
