dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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