It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
