Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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