so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
