If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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