When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I need to calm my uterus...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
