How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
