please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
