I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?