How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
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he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
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I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys