She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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