is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
