I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
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i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
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barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?