Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We just shotgunned beers for America
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.