Will you blow on my dice?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
