what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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