The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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