PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize