I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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