Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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