HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
