In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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