Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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