nut hugger
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
