I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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