some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
