reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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