This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
