I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
