I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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