You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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