some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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