But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
