I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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