I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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