if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
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this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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