Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Text me some of your sweat
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
