Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
