this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
