it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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