Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Randomize
