a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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