Christians are straight up FREAKS
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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