Plan B is the new Plan A
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
being pregnant is like rehab
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
