i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
