Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
