I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
