if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
