It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
