You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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