New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
