I'm really into asian looking animals
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
