I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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