I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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