how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
