Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
That accounts for only three of the penises
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
