Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
please come you make the beer taste better
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
