I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
