Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
