found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
