white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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