There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
