why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
