Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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