i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
