cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize