God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
