i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
