You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
