is your mom at the bar?
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
