YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
