just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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